Feeling Guilty

I’m writing out the marketing materials for some talks I’ll be giving in London soon  to businesses called “Lunch and Learn” bite sized talks for 45 minutes on a wide range of topics as parenting is such a vast subject isn’t it, and one of the many that I cover is, “GUILT – The “BIG G” and gremlin of parenting !

I’ve lost times  how many times I’ve worked with Mums in particular about their overwhelming feelings of guilt – whether they are working Mums, stay at home Mums or part -time Mums . Women seem to be programmed with it and it just holds us all back, keeps us stuck and is really anger turned in on ourselves as we find it difficult to ask for help, delegate parenting jobs or share our needs with others. It’s also about wanting to be a perfect parent – who only exists in Hollywood film I’m afraid !

I remember when my mum was ill in hospital with emphysema a few years ago and no matter how many times I went all the way to the Mayday Hospital during a week – it never seemed to be enough and if I brought her prawn sandwiches she would want cheese – and if I brought cheese she would want prawn . I could never seem to please her and I felt enormously guilty about how much time I spent with her, how many times I went and how I never felt I did enough and then I battled feeling guilty about leaving the kids to do their homework without me, rushing back to prepare my lessons for the next day as I was Deputy Head and class teacher too at the time.

I felt torn and pulled into many pieces and I felt guilty no matter how hard I tried to do what was “right” for everyone.

So I know first hand all about the feelings of guilt!

So what is guilt?

Guilt is often a message from within that you have violated your own high standards or others try to make you feel guilty as they may want to have a hold over you even unconsciously.

I work with many parents who suffer from what I call “The BIG G” the gremlin of GUILT and it can come from working parents feeling guilty about their work- life balance, to parents feeling guilty about losing their temper, not playing enough with their kids, to feeling guilty about not spending enough time with their partner, their elderly mother, or feeling guilty about being separated or divorced or having to leave work at 5.00 instead of 5.30 to pick up their child from After School Care.

The list is endless.

Guilty feelings can come from within or be handed down to you from parents, teachers or people of influence when you were young or can come from lack of self esteem or from controlling partners or ex’s